The Sad Lover

They were young. He set her heart afire. Twice they saw each other over coffee on late summer nights, each meeting she desired him. But somehow she had to tell the young man she lived inside her head. She had to speak of the dark corners of her depression…of the suicide attempts, the shock treatments, the doctors and pills and how a disordered mood had marred her life. She had good days along with bad days and she wanted to follow him forever.

But he knew of her story. Friends had told him as much. The young man was being kind without any romantic intent. He was at the age when he needed to decide on a career, and maybe it was to be a social worker or psychologist or some profession where he could help others.

But soon her romantic ideas became clear. He didn’t know how to handle it, to let her down softly. So one day he said he was going off to college in another town and he would send e-mails and call, let her know what was happening in his life.

She went home that night and wept in the dark room inside her head.