The Tip
I'm a horrible person
I know,
I know,
I wear overpriced watches from Taiwan
Cheap sweatshirts that make me look fat
I'm a horrible person
I'll eat more peanuts than anyone else
Grab the most hummus and ruffle chips, leave nearly nothing for the rest
I'm a horrible person
I know,
I know,
I'll speak rudely to waiters
hector,
harangue,
browbeat them over:
a) dry turkey b) salty gravy c) cranberry sauce from an army can
I'm a horrible person
I'm sorry
I'm a horrible person
I know I need to change
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
But that diner food was bad,
It gave me indigestion, put me in a miserable pickle
Horrible or not, the waiter got a tip, it gave him a battled smile